My husband and I have been friends since we were 13 years old.
Our friendship grew naturally and it took me until 15 years old to start crushing on him. I knew I wanted to marry him at 16.
When I was 20, he bought me a “random” drink from the gas station. I laughed and asked him about what he got me and why.
He said that it was the same drink I had ordered back in Middle School during our group project we worked on at Starbucks together. He even told me what I was wearing that day.
I had forgotten the drink. I had nearly forgotten that we had worked that project together… He remembered it all.
He had liked me since day 1. It took me 2 years to catch up, and today we've been married for 10 years and have 5 kids.
Women are supposed to be slow to warm. We have to select for security. Men who will be good husbands and dads. You can't get all of that information from one or two dates.
It may not be “ideal” for the fast-paced world we now live in. But it's also not going to change.
My response:
This seems appropriate, but it also means any interruptions in this process are devastating to the human family making system.
It also might counter my observation 1970s laws turning children from being investments to being liabilities cause women to steal and men to avoid them; if women take this long, then men should be able to be selected during a longer process while in parallel the men become trusting of those careful women, which should more overcome this problem of the 1970s laws.
But the children still aren't investments any more, regardless, due to the unnatural legal structure imposed on us (women get to steal the children AND everything the men's multi-generational fine grained refined upbringing ever created, terminating their entire family line and all their genetic and learned knowledge in one execution).
When I explain it like that, I think the issue is the 1970s laws taking away investment into children (and turning children into mortal liabilities) are so draconian, that they totally interfere with the natural interaction between all men and all women subject to those laws.
So, after some thought, I think what this woman said is correct, but it is swamped by the legal destruction of natural life evolution expressed through natural families, and men don't want to have their entire family line killed off due to this, and would rather create alone.
October 19, 2025